Whose support are you seeking? Whose music are you dancing to? Do you still reflect on the bad reports that you suffered through from yesteryear, or do you reflect on the good that has been given to you? There is a rhythm inside of each of us to keep us moving, if we learn to listen to it.
For a long time, I wasn't listening to the music. I paid more attention to the steps laid out before me. I was learning to dance without listening. The only thing that kept me going some days was the fear of making a misstep. When I finished the dance, I felt tired, not really invigorated. Life seemed like a lot more fun to other people, but I was going through the motions. I just wasn't moving to the music.
At Leuzinger High School, I learned how to dance. In previous schools, I was always trying to keep up with the standards, with the students, with the parents. I tried to fit in with everyone else's pattern, and it never quite came off. Much of the time I was frustrated, always trying to work it out in my head first, then missing the first beat.
I have since learned the importance of listening to your inner rhythm. Learning to take in the tune can be the most grueling thing to do for someone who thinks that nothing will get done unless I stress about it.
One senior at Leuzinger would always tell me, "It's not about getting, it's about accepting." I can't remember when I first said that to her, but she never forgot it, and she reminded me of it every chance I saw her. I inspired her without trying, and she was inspiring me without my realizing it.
Life is a lot like that. It's not about getting, it's about accepting. Work with what you have, make do with what's available, and believe that no matter what happens, it will all work out for the best. When I learned how to sit, I found that it was a lot easier to walk.
In teaching, attitude is everything, the inner rhythm that moves you through the day. If the lesson is all about trying to figure it all out in your head, then you might as well sit out the dance. If you go with the flow within you, then getting into the dance is easy. I had to move with my heart, not my head. I had to stop trying to have a good day, and just have a good day.
Another time, I got so fed up with some students, who repeatedly insisted on not taking my lead on anything. Upset, but with a sense of humor, I blurted out, crossing my finger across my chest: "Does it say 'doormat' here?" Impressed with my own unprepared wit, I asked another teacher near me the same question.
His response has stayed with me ever since: "No, Sir! I'll tell you what it says: 'Too much man to walk on!'" Just meditating on that statement changed my attitude on a lot of things. I do not have to earn my respect, and I did not have to take someone else's, either. I already had my respect, my inner rhythm, my music, but I had not really known or believed it for myself, I was so busy trying to move to someone else's beat.
Since then, I have learned how to sit, how to walk, and how to stand. Doing all three with truth and grace makes all the difference in the world.
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