"Painfully Shy"

Someone who struggles with shyness struggles with an improper self-image.

In one article from "LAYOUTH.COM", the guest columnist "Jaanvi" shared her upset trying to reach out and make friends.

The source of her trouble:

"I go to the mall. . ."

"I think, 'I don't want to. . '"

"I know there's no avoiding going because I'm already there."

This phrase compounds the problem:

"I feel like everyone is watching me."

I, I, I --- me, me, me.

The focus of her thinking -- herself -- begins and ends the very sentence.

Someone needs to sit this young lady down and reminder her that the world does not revolved around her.

I do not write this to be cruel, but there is no punishment more defeating than for an individual to spend so much time thinking about oneself, paying attention to one's thoughts and feelings.

Adolescents tend to struggle with this issue not just because their bodies are changing, but at that age they confront a growing horde of groups, cliques, and diverse interests. The one thing that they crave, that every human being seeks, is acceptance. The problem today rests in that we have started giving ourselves permission to do and say and judge based on our own sentiments. This rugged individualism invites only a crippling conformity, since inevitably we will connect to something that is not us. No man is an island, and no man is his own idea, either.

I marvel that certain cultures still practice "coming of age" ceremonies, like Jewish people with the bar (or bat) mitzvah. In the Hispanic community, fifteen year old females will have  a quinceniera to commemorate a transition to adulthood. These festivities permit a young person to align with something greater than his feelings, his thoughts, or the opinions of his parents or the people he knows in his community. These young adults communicate with traditions larger than themselves, and receive an identity greater than who they are.

This stability strengths the inner man, which then withstands the shocks of a world where people say just about whatever they please, and all too often get away with it. When we identify with something greater than ourselves, something positive, something that will not change no matter how we feel, then the misunderstandings of others, or the blunt shame of select individuals, cannot hurt us.

This lesson is hard to pass on in a public school, unfortunately, as the curriculum has drifted toward affirming a person based on the color of their skin, not the content of a culture based on respect and affinity for something permanent.