The notion that God has to break us, or wreck us, before He can restore is outrageous evil.
Pastor Joseph Prince has put such a mindset to the simple test of common sense.
Would a father scold his child for touching a hot stove by pressing his tender arm even harder on the hot surface? Of course not!
We know that God is a good God.
"If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?" (Matthew 7:11)
Even evil parents do not hurt their children, but give them what they need. How much more, then, will our Father in Heaven lavish us with His love? With His very self, represented by the Power and Presence of the Holy Spirit:
"If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children: how much more shall your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to them that ask him?" (Luke 11:13)
Now, the Lord does discipline us, otherwise we would have no sense, no knowledge that we are His children:
"And ye have forgotten the exhortation which speaketh unto you as unto children, My son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him:
"For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth.
"If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not?
"But if ye be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are ye bastards, and not sons.
"Furthermore we have had fathers of our flesh which corrected us, and we gave them reverence: shall we not much rather be in subjection unto the Father of spirits, and live?
"For they verily for a few days chastened us after their own pleasure; but he for our profit, that we might be partakers of his holiness.
"Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby." (Hebrews 12: 5-11)
In this passage, chastening and chastisement do not speak of physical punishment or brutal treatment, but rather training a man to walk by faith, as opposed to living in his own strength:
"chasten: paideia: the rearing of a child, training, discipline
Definition: discipline; training and education of children, hence: instruction; chastisement, correction.
"Paideia" is the root word for "pedagogue" and "pedagogy", which have to do more with training than with punishing. It's about getting better, not getting bit for not being good enough.
Reconsider the following passage:
"Furthermore we have had fathers of our flesh which corrected us, and we gave them reverence: Shall we not much rather be in subjection unto the Father of spirits, and live?" (Hebrews 12:9)
There is a contrast here, as there was in Matthew 7 and Luke 11. Our earthly parents (in the flesh) corrected us; the Holy Spirit (hence, God is referred to as "the Father of spirits") gives us life.
God is giving us a good gift, not something painful.
Reconsider also Hebrews 12:11 :
"Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby."
What yields this "the peaceable fruit of righteousness"? The Holy Spirit, not us!
"For the kingdom of God is not meat and drink; but righteousness, and peace, and joy in the Holy Ghost." (Romans 14:17)
Let us review, of course, the source of our righteousness:
"For he hath made him to be sin for us, who knew no sin; that we might be made the righteousness of God in him." (2 Corinthians 5:21)
"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,
"Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law." (Galatians 5:22-23)
And this "chastening" is not temporary, but ongoing, eternal:
"For they verily for a few days chastened us after their own pleasure; but he for our profit, that we might be partakers of his holiness." (Hebrews 12:10)
This "chastening" then, is the "everlasting righteousness" (cf Daniel ) imparted to us through the Holy Spirit.
It is the Holy Spirit, whose riches and rewards us as we manifest His power in us (cf Colossians 1:27) by faith and meditate on in our minds, which transforms us:
"For therein is the righteousness of God revealed from faith to faith: as it is written, The just shall live by faith." (Romans 1:17)
"And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God." (Romans 12:2)
"But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord." (2 Corinthians 3:18)
This change, this transformation, this is the chastening which we received from God, as our fleshly life is washed away, and the Spirit of God grows manifest and powerful in our lives. This is not a painful or burdensome trial, but a wonderful, graceful transformation!