I like watching Seinfeld reruns.
Some of my favorite episodes include the "second thank", "Say Vanderlay!", and also "The Muffin Tops"
But my favorite episode of Seinfeldis "The Old Man."
It all starts with Elaine volunteering to help senior citizens. Seinfeld decides to join in.
His first client -- the irascible Sid Fields:
From the opening lines of the scene:
Sid: What the *Hell* is it?
Jerry: Mr. Fields?
Sid: What!?!
Jerry: Hi, I'm Jerry Seinfeld, the agency sent me.
From the outset, we all know that Jerry is going to have one "hell" of time with this character.
I am sure the old man reminds a lot of viewers of some old relative who always kvetched about life, never finding anything worthwhile to speak well of. Mr. Sid Fields reminded me of my Aunt Frannie from West Mifflin, PA. I never let her get to me, though. She was easy to harass and manipulate.
Jerry is not so lucky:
Sid: Agency? What agency? The *CIA*?
Jerry: No, no, the--
Sid: Who let you in here?
Jerry: The woman, she--
Sid: Oh *her*. She *steals* from me. Steals my money. She says she
doesn't speak English. My *ass* she doesn't speak English. Plays
that freakin' "voo-doo" music, tries to hypnotize me. She thinks
she's gonna turn me into a zombie and then rob me blind. Well,
I wasn't born yesterday. I may drop dead today, but I sure as Hell
wasn't born yesterday. Now get the Hell out of my house...
This is the first of many lines that I have loved to repeat. I saw the same line on a cover for a senior citizens' magazine.
At first, I just loved seeing this old man play with Seinfeld. I do not condone his cruel remarks, but his outrage is so outrageous, it's funny!
Jerry: Mr. Fields, I'm here to spend some time with you.
Sid: Oh, really. Are you the boyfriend? I know she's got a boyfriend.
Are you going to *kill* me? I'm an old man for crying out loud,
you gonna kill an old man, you coward?!? [Jerry gets out card]
Jerry: No, Mr. Field, look, really I'm--
Sid: I can't read that you fool...
That last line sent me into hysterics. I bust up every time Fields shuts down Seinfeld.
Then Jerry spies the old records on a desk nearby
Jerry: What's all this stuff?
Sid: Trash. Garbage.
Jerry: You're throwin' this out??
Sid: I believe that's what you do with garbage, you idiot.
I can't believe that Jerry keeps putting up with this crap. It all makes sense though, in the long run. Jerry wanted to "help people", just like Elaine.
Jerry: You don't want any of this?
Sid: Well if I wanted it I wouldn't be throwing it away, *Ein-stein*.
Jerry: You know I have some friends who would really like to have these.
Sid: Well, take it. I'm sure as Hell not going to give it to my family.%
And now we see what afflicts many senior citizens. They do not want to be treated like dependents whom people assume need to be coddled and cared for because they are so hopeless and lonely.
Jerry: Well, do you want to go out for a walk, get a cup of coffee...
Sid: With you? I'd rather be dead.
He wants no part with the snide comedian. Most people get grumpy when they know that someone is patronizing them.
Jerry: Well, maybe I'll get goin' then. I just remembered I got an
appointment to get my, um, tonsils out.
Sid: Good. Thank God. Good riddance. [pause]
Finally, Seinfeld takes the hint. He starts to leave. But Fields lands one more zinger:
Oh listen, before you go, would you mind changing my diaper? HAA!!
This is the funniest line of them all. I was laughing it up for ten minutes straight.
Here, Mr. Fields tells all -- he's no decrepit old man; he's no helpless fuddy-duddy who needs to be taken care of by some stranger who just wants to feel better about himself.
This cloying spirit of volunteerism is very annoying. Who do these people think they are? Do they really think that they are serving anyone by trying to make themselves useful, when elderly often times have been alienated by their own families? Most people would rather seek reconciliation or at least achieve a sense of acceptance about the departure of their family members.
I loved how frank and blunt this old man was. He just said whatever was on his mind -- and old people have a lot to say. I also like that Jerry did not hang around to put up with the abuse for long-term. We have to respect each other to the degree that we command respect for ourselves.
Senior citizens are still citizens who deserve to be honored as human beings, but they should not be treated as one more mass of helpless people who need to be cared for. I like this old man -- I like how he put one more "do-gooder" in his place.
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