It's Your Fault, Jerry! (California Didn't Commit Suicide)

He's a Loathsome, Offensive Brute.
Yet I Cannot Look Away!

"Susie didn't commit suicide! She was murdered. . .by Jerry Seinfeld!" -- Mike, the Fake Bookie

In one episode of Seinfeld (The Susie), Jerry has a rough time collecting money on an illegal bet. His "bookie" Mike is so bad, he forgets to hold onto Jerry's cash, or provide it when the bettor wins. In order to make up for his bad booking, Mike offers to fix Jerry's trunk. Even after Jerry accidentally slams his car's trunk cover on Mike's thumbs, the bad bookie agrees to fix the trunk, bandaged and all.

Later in the episode, Mike gets locked into Jerry's car trunk by accident. Overnight he overhears Jerry and Elaine talk about axing a made-up character named "Susie", an office persona accidentally fabricated at Elaine's workplace.

"Eliminate her. She's dead!" Jerry yells with muted sarcasm. Gasping in horror, Mike thinks that Jerry is going to kill someone.

The whole hoax gets so overblown (this is Seinfeld, folks, the show about nothing), that when Elaine explains to her boss Mr. Peterman that Susie is dead ("She committed suicide"), Peterman and the company throw "Susie" a funeral.

At the funeral, everyone believes that Susie committed suicide (Peterman eulogizes for her, claiming that they and had an incredible one-night stand). Then Mike, who had been trapped in Jerry's trunk for an entire day and overheard the conversation, bursts in and announces that "Susie" was actually murdered by Jerry Seinfeld

When I think of this humorous scene, I think of another Jerry, another claimed suicide, and the real culprit.

Then a new declaration comes to mind, and it would go something like this:

"California didn't commit suicide. She was murdered. . .by Jerry Brown!"

Such a leap of fancy seems not just improbable, or laughable, but so ridiculous, that only a sitcom would come up with it.

My thoughts exactly, except that the real death of California, by taxes, regulations, rules, spending deficits, pension obligations, is no joke, and Governor Jerry is responsible. Unlike the TV show, there is some truth to this charge.

Let's go back to Jerry's former days as. . .governor.

Jerry Brown instituted collective bargaining rights for California's public sector employees. Now public sector unions are helping to bankrupt the Golden State, convinced that what's good for the goose, every resident in California, is good for the grabbing.

Public servants retire early, pay in very little, yet can receive as much as 90% of their salary in pensions. City leaders can leave a local seat for a county or even state-wide office and expect two pensions upon retirement.

In one account, a firefighter worked for twenty years in one city, retired at forty (after working twenty years), then worked for another twenty years at another deparment. He's getting two pensions for one lifetime of work!

Other states, other leaders are correcting these financial problems.

New Jersey Governor Chris Christie decried the retirement of two local police officers, who cashed in so much sick-pay, that the ciy had to float a bond worth hundreds of thousands of dollars to pay off the sick pay.

"That's why they're called "boat checks", because retirees by their dream boat with the money."

Now, what's been happening in California because of Jerry's move for collective bargaining?

Pensions problems have spiralled in California.

Notable abuses include Bell, California, where the police chief was receiving $400,000 a year, and slated to keep almost all of it because he claimed disability, not mention the outrageous pilfering from the city council and the city manager.

In Hermosa Beach, parking enforcers can claim a hefty state pension, even though they get paid more than the local teachers to write tickets.

But Jerry also helped kill California not just with skyrocketing pension costs.

Governor Moonbeam introduced mandatory sentencing to California courts, which took away from judges the needed discretion to diminish sentences for rare or first-time offenders. Today, California prisons are at 150% capacity, facing federal court orders demanding realignment of California prisoners.

The litigation on the prison crises is taking away $200 million from our state coffers, as well. Still, Jerry refuses to cave to federal orders, resisting the final forced release of thousands of prisoners back onto California's streets.

Because of required prison realignment, though, crime waves are rising in California cities, which should be enough to put Jerry out of office. Even the San Francisco Bay police have commented that forced realignment has caused rising crime rates, and Los Angeles County Jail has ended up in the center if the realignment brawl, with no signs of improvement or relaxation for the already-strained system.

From pensions to prisons, from job perks to jails, California has not committed suicide, but has been dying slowly, because Jerry helped kill the state softly over time with progressive policies which have bankrupted that state and bereaved our streets of safety.

While pundits do claim that Brown can help CA bounce back, most of them acknowledge that much of CA's problem are of Jerry's making.

Maybe Governor Brown will end up breaking our thumbs, too!